It stands to reason that the day I had chosen to restart my blog afresh, Maestro messaged me on MSN. I’m much more confident now in the direction this journal will go, and what I will put in it. I’ve had several positive things happen to me in the past few months, many of which my husband had a hand in, which have helped me re-affirm my life potential. Strictly speaking, one could interpret this headline as “Woman Gets Clue, Gets Over Self”.
When we last left off from my life, I didn’t have much to say in regard to my own progress. I was so concerned about how I’d lost so much time to WoW and fretting about others’ goal setting in comparison to my own, that I was really making myself quite ill. I’ve always been a competitive person – no matter what I might have thought – and the idea that I was behind in my abilities, learning, or career just ate me up.
I felt like a failure. A burden to my husband, as it seemed he had his head on straight – which he always does – and that I was just dragging him down.
Fortunately, Jesse has more sense than I do. It took several months but he convinced me of my value and effort and self-worth. One would assume a husband wouldn’t have to do this in the first year of marriage but I have always been an over-thinker of things. Completely self-critical. And sometimes I think a slight bit of depression is inherent in my father’s side of my family. If we are not doing something that helps the situation, whether it be others or our immediate family or even ourselves, we feel lost. My father felt fulfilled most when he was teaching, and it was that which buoyed his faith even in the last years of his life.
I have had a serious analysis of myself and what I want “to do” in life. I have come to the conclusion that I am not terribly creative. Not like I thought I was, in comparison to what I see others do, but that shouldn’t hinder my own advancement. No, I realized that I was not truly happy stuck at a desk, typing away, for an 8-5 existence. Yet I still felt drawn to technology. And I reflected back on my own experiences. Some things stuck out more than others, and those were the things I considered most.
I had changed so much in the past three years. Why not a career change too? There were no jobs in the field in which I’d gotten a Masters degree. I considered going back to school and Jesse gave his approval. After all, as the sole provider for our family, he’d be footing the bill. What he said and what he thought on the subject greatly interested me. He approved the idea, as long as I was passionate about it. He didn’t want me to go back to school just to obtain employment to get a paycheck. He akined it to an itch that you have to scratch.
I decided practically, I decided passionately and I decided determinedly on the field that would suit me best. I would go back to school to become a radiologic technician. Not a doctor, no I didn’t want that. Too much schooling for too little reward. Not a nurse – the thought never crossed my mind. And I’ve always been best as a helper in a specific way. An advisor in a very narrow field. I am no manager or leader or ground-breaker, but when I master something, I do it very, very well.
Frankly, the most I was ever mesmerized in a hospital was when I was getting X-rayed, and especially when I was getting MRI’d. How fascinating the large machines were! They reminded me of HAL from 2001, though I can’t recall why. Perhaps it was the grand majesty of the technology, the large cumbersome machinery, the massive bulk of science that caught my eye. After all, most technology we encounter on a daily basis is very small – cellphone, .mp3 player, etc.
Ah I’m afraid I will have to cut this opening post short as we’re off to sushi with some of Jesse’s friends from work. Rats, I forgot to mention that I’m learning to cook and also progressing in my Flash studies, amongst other things. I guess that’s why they have you keep a journal on a daily basis. One can’t be expected to tell everything in one day.
Have a good day. I know I will.
